Monday, May 16, 2011

I fear I am becoming one of those people.....

that just leech. I am in a funk. I have no idea how to get out of it. It seems that everything is up, then plunk. I smack back into the earth at full place. I have been neglecting friends when I need them the most. But I have a wonderful bunch of girlfriends (and boyfriends :) ) who are always happy to listen to my whinging, but I fear that one day they'll just give up on me. I wouldn't blame them if they did. My highs can be so great, but my lows leave me feeling really flat. Most of the people who I know personally, know what my life entails, so I won't go into it, but my god, is this what its all about? Is my life determined to always be like this? I hope not. With all that I am, I hope not. But I lack the strength that I need to fix it. I guess I am too lazy to follow through. This week at work we are looking after a lady who I am sure who happily be enjoying her family right now, and I feel so ungrateful. This lady has me questioning my own mortality. On my death bed I don't want to look back with regrets. I want to look back and say I gave it my best shot. If that was to happen tomorrow I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to do that.
I thought that losing weight would be the end to all my problems. The only thing different is my clothes are a size 8-10. Nothing else has changed. I have plenty more energy, but not the will to do anything.

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