Friday, June 10, 2011

Keep up...its a mish mash!

OK so its been a while......and I don't think I'd be me if it wasn't, so I hope you haven't come to expect anything else!

I've been to the specialist. She says its not the thyroid. So she has referred me to another specialist who covers imbalances in organs ie kidney & liver. I haven't had another episode. I am making an effort to eat regularly to stave it off.

I was thinking of starting a new blog, but I have just decided to let this one evolve with me. I know its no longer about my weight loss, but seriously I don't need to focus on that anymore so this is now just going to be about me.

I need somewhere to put it all down. Although I won't be as open as I'd like to be...but meh....being open is what got me into a mess in the first place :P

I feel kilter. I have no idea why. I have a good life, we aren't struggling, I love my job, I love our house, our Daughter is the absolute highlight of my life......but I don't feel happy. I don't know what to do. I have occasions where I could curl up and cry and 10 minutes later all is fine, and I am looking forward to something. Its driving me insane. I'm not sure if its my heart convincing my head to be scattered, or my head telling my heart things.

I feel like I need an escape. Like I just need to get away. But I don't want to get away. I just want to go sit on a cliff somewhere with some music and just lose myself. I decided that maybe a good way to get time to myself was to start running, so I have downloaded the C25k (couch to 5 k) running program. I am now just waiting on the ipod I ordered to arrive then I will do it. The only thing is I BET you $5 Sarah will want to come with me.......I am tempted to buy a ten visit pass to the gym so for the first couple of weeks I can go there after she's gone to bed, and just lose myself in it. I don't want to have to drag her with doubt she'll be talking and stopping and starting.........

I even considered church. Maybe I can get some guidance there. But I don't even know what church to start with.......Gah my head is all over the place!!

In the mean time I'll just pump up the music and lose myself.......